Do I Have Trauma? How can I tell if I do?

Dec 9

Written By Sophie

Understanding & Identifying Trauma

In a world where too many women bear the lifelong burdens of complex, childhood, and sexual trauma, understanding its lingering effects and recognizing their presence is crucial for healing and empowerment. Trauma refers to an emotional or psychological response to an intensely distressing event or series of events that overwhelm a person's ability to cope or process the experience. These events often involve a threat to one's life, safety, or well-being and can result in profound feelings of fear, helplessness, or terror. Trauma, in its myriad forms, can cast a long shadow on one's life, affecting emotions, relationships, and overall well-being. Recognizing the signs and acknowledging the impact of trauma is the first step toward reclaiming personal power and embarking on a journey of healing.

The Many Faces of Trauma

Trauma isn't always obvious or easily identifiable, especially if it has happened multiple times, over extended periods of time, at a younger age. In that case, trauma may have just been your “normal,” and at least from the outside, you may have adjusted well, so well in fact, that you may not have realized the toll trauma has actually taken on you. Trauma may also have happened to you at a time where you were too young to have any recollection of it, or it may even have been passed down to you, which is commonly referred to as intergenerational trauma. In that case, just like second-hand smoke or first responders’ secondary trauma, you may not even realize that you have trauma, as its aftereffects are not connected to something that directly involved you. Nonetheless, it has left a lasting impact on you, whether it’s something that happened to you preverbally, or to your grandparents, your parents, something that you may have witnessed, or even second-hand accounts from clients, patients, or students. Everything can be traumatizing because it’s not about the event itself, as much as it is how your brain processed the event, and how much support it received at the time trying to process something that felt like not enough, or too much, too fast, or too soon.

Regardless of your circumstances and the kind of trauma you’ve endured, it can manifest in various ways, impacting every aspect of life, sometimes in subtle ways, or even in ways that may not be easily traceable to the root cause, which may be decades old. For women who have survived complex, childhood, or sexual trauma, in particular, the effects may linger, influencing thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, and these effects aren't always immediately recognizable. Trauma's subtler manifestations can be intricate and multifaceted, often deeply ingrained in behavior patterns developed over time. These signs might not raise immediate alarms, yet they profoundly affect daily life and well-being.

For many women survivors of complex and childhood trauma, it may even take a lifetime to come to conscious awareness until some event triggers a trauma response which becomes unmistakable. Life events such as an illness, a struggling marriage, a divorce, a death, a surgery, or the loss of a job can all be triggers. More surprisingly, happy events such as the birth of a child, a wedding, or a work promotion can be equally as triggering.

According to Dr. Gabor Mate, a renowned physician and mental health expert, “Trauma is not what happens to you; it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” This explains why the aftereffects of trauma may still remain so active when old traumatic events haven’t yet been reprocessed. They just linger, signaling to us that something is in need of our care and attention. In his new book, “The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture,” Dr. Mate teaches us not only the “how” of trauma, but the “how” of healing and recovery from trauma’s enduring aftereffects.

Recognizing the Signs

Identifying trauma isn’t always straightforward, especially when it’s deeply ingrained in one's past. Yet, there are some telltale signs that can indicate the presence of unresolved trauma:

Emotional Flashbacks

Intense rollercoaster emotions like fear, anger, rage, sadness, numbness, or feeling disliked, hated, rejected, abandoned, ostracized without verifiable evidence of that, might surface unexpectedly, triggered by seemingly innocuous events.

Harmful Coping Mechanisms

Some survivors may resort to coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, self-harm, or disordered eating to manage overwhelming feelings.

Memory Flashbacks or Nightmares

Vivid memories of the traumatic event(s) can intrude into daily life, leading to flashbacks of the trauma or recurring nightmares.

Difficulty Trusting Others

Building trust might feel like an insurmountable challenge, leading to difficulties in forming or maintaining relationships.

Physical Symptoms

Chronic pain, tension, headaches, migraines, non-epileptic seizures, multiple chemical sensitivities or allergies, frequent adverse drug reactions without a clear cause, debilitating fatigue, or stomach issues might persist without a clear medical cause.

Avoidant or Numbing Behaviors

Some survivors may try to avoid situations, places, or even people that remind them of the trauma with or without being aware of their avoidant tendencies. This can lead to isolation, emotional numbing, or dissociation.

Emotional Numbing or Dissociation

In an attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions, some individuals might unconsciously dissociate or detach themselves from their feelings. This emotional numbing can manifest as feeling disconnected from oneself or experiencing periods of "spacing out."

Poor Self-Image

Low self-esteem, negative self-talk, body image issues, or feelings of worthlessness can stem from traumatic experiences.

Hypervigilance

Constantly feeling on edge, always alert for potential threats, can be a result of past traumatic events.

Perfectionism & Overachievement

For many survivors, the drive for perfectionism or overachievement might stem from a need to regain control lost during traumatic experiences or to be liked or loved, not for who we are at our core, but for what we are able to produce, or the added value others can derive from us. While these qualities may seem positive, they can often mask underlying feelings of inadequacy or a persistent fear of failure.

Chronic Self-Doubt & Self-Blame

Women who have survived trauma may habitually doubt their own perceptions and instincts, attributing any negative experiences to personal fault. This chronic self-blame can create a cycle of guilt and shame, further deepening the emotional scars left by the trauma.

Difficulty Setting Boundaries

Struggling to assert healthy personal boundaries or constantly feeling the need to please others can be subtle indications of unresolved trauma. Survivors might find it challenging to say no or prioritize their own needs, often due to past experiences where their boundaries were disregarded or violated. Having our boundaries repeatedly violated as a child is also what may have kept us alive (e.g. not resisting abuse, not “making waves,” not speaking up, not expressing or even becoming aware of overwhelming feelings, etc.), which then makes it difficult for our brains to trust that boundary-setting can actually help keep us safe as adults.

Hyper-Responsibility & Caretaking

Taking on excessive responsibilities for others' well-being or feeling a compulsive need to care for everyone around us can be a coping mechanism developed after trauma. This behavior often stems from a desire to maintain control and prevent harm to oneself or others. Parentification, in particular, is a form of hyper-responsibility developed in childhood when we had to care for the emotional, or even mental or physical, needs of the adults in our lives, whether caregivers, family members, or other known and trusted adults.

Fear of Intimacy or Toxic Relationships

Difficulty in forming or maintaining intimate relationships or friendships may be rooted in past traumatic experiences. Fear of vulnerability or a deep-seated mistrust can hinder the ability to connect with others on a deeper emotional level. When growing up with a lack of healthy boundaries, it also makes the ability to form and maintain healthy relationships very challenging as clear and open communication may feel unsafe or even frightening.

Empowerment Through Awareness

Recognizing the signs of trauma and understanding its impact can be very empowering, as it can allow you to reclaim agency over your life, break free from the chains of your past, and move towards a future filled with hope and resilience. Survivors of complex, childhood, and sexual trauma deserve compassion, support, and understanding. Building enough self-awareness to learn to identify the subtler signs of trauma is essential for you to recognize the multifaceted ways trauma can manifest and affect you. Acknowledging these nuances can empower you to seek tailored support and strategies for healing. Trauma recovery isn't a one-size-fits-all journey. It's about unraveling layers, understanding complexities, and embracing the courage to confront and heal from past wounds.

Most importantly, know that you are not your trauma and that your past doesn’t define who you are. Your strength lies in your resilience, and the journey toward healing begins with acknowledging and addressing the impact of your trauma. You are worthy of healing, love, and a fulfilling life beyond the shadows of your past.

Steps Towards Healing

Acknowledging trauma and its effects is a first step toward healing. Seeking support from a therapist or a coach certified and experienced in trauma recovery can be incredibly beneficial so you have a safe space to explore past experiences, understand their impact, learn healthy coping mechanisms, and rewire your brain for healing.

Self-care practices, such as mindfulness, yoga, journaling, or creative expression, can also aid in supporting your healing process. Building a safe network of friends, family, or support groups can provide a sense of belonging and understanding. When that isn’t yet possible, a special bond with a pet can also provide much comfort as you begin to heal.

Patience is key. Healing from trauma is not linear—rather, it is a journey with ups and downs. Celebrating small victories and practicing self-compassion along the way is crucial, remember to pace yourself, honor your own rhythms, learn to attune and listen to your needs, and slow down as needed.